The Upstairs Room Page 9

  “No, Sini, not that many times.” My muscles needed to be exercised. What about hers?

  “Oh, yes. I’ll count. One… two… three.”

  “What are you making Annie do, Sini?” Opoe asked. “Does she have to? Look at her. She doesn’t like it.”

  “Opoe, if she doesn’t exercise every day she’ll get so stiff that she won’t be able to walk anymore after the war.”

  “Oh, how could that be?”

  “Don’t say that, Opoe. It could.”

  “Stop for a minute, Annie, and drink your coffee.”

  “That’s another thing that annoys me, Opoe. I don’t want her to drink coffee any longer.”

  “My goodness, you’re difficult today. Boy, o boy!” At the door Opoe turned around. “Maybe she can’t have any more tea either, eh?”

  “I don’t want to walk anymore, Sini.”

  “I wish they wouldn’t interfere,” Sini said furiously.

  I glanced at Sini. Would she get mad again because of what Dientje had just said? That I was going out tonight. Just me and Dientje. Sini and Johan could have their cows. Bah, smelly things. No, we were really going out. We’d have to take the bike to get there, to the farmer she used to work for. They were hiding ten Jews. That was a lot. One of them was a girl my age, Dientje said. I’d probably like her. Sure. Wasn’t it nice of Mr. Hannink to have told Johan about them? What if the weather weren’t good?

  “Dientje, what if it’s raining?”

  “Don’t worry, we’ll go anyway.”

  What was I going to wear? Maybe the dress she had made for me. Maybe so. I should look nice, going on a visit.

  “What’s her name?”

  “Whose name?”

  “The girl’s.”

  “I don’t know. You’re glad you’re going out, aren’t you?” Dientje beamed.

  I nodded. “How long will we stay?”

  “Not too long. Maybe an hour.”

  I’d better walk some more around the room. After all, I didn’t want the girl to think I walked funny.

  “You look fine,” Sini said when it was time to leave. “You aren’t going out without giving me a kiss?”

  I was really getting too old for that kind of thing. Oh, well. I kissed her and walked down the stairs. At the bottom I looked up. I waved at Sini.

  “You can come,” Johan called softly.

  Outside, Dientje was holding her bike. She wasn’t going to turn the bicycle lamp on, she said. Then nobody would be able to recognize her.

  I climbed on the back of her bike. Dientje put her right foot over the bar and pushed off. One, two pumps, then she sat down. “Put your arms around my middle. Hold on.”

  I knew we were going over a sandy road. Every once in a while the bike sank into a little hole. I could feel Dientje strain to get out of it. Was it a narrow road? Probably. Around Winterswijk all the side roads like this one were narrow. Were there any trees along the road? Carefully I stuck out my right arm. I didn’t touch anything. My hands were cold. I put them inside Dientje’s pockets.

  “The path is getting very narrow here. Be sure to hang on.”

  Of course, I would. I didn’t want to fall. I’d be all dirty.

  The air smelled good. I opened my mouth wide. Come in air, it’s all right, it’s me. Gratefully I rubbed my cheek against Dientje’s coat.

  “Evening.” Dientje walked into the stable, holding my hand. “How’ve you been? This is Annie.”

  “I see, I see. Well, why don’t we go talk to Mimi.”

  We followed the farmer into a room at the back of the stable. “Here’s somebody to visit you,” he announced.

  The girl in the corner must be Mimi. She looked my age. From across the room we looked at each other.

  “Go on, talk to her. That’s why we came.” Dientje pushed me in Mimi’s direction.

  How could I just talk to her? What would I say? I backed up and leaned against Dientje’s chair. She was busy listening to the farmer and his wife.

  “The baker must think something is going on here,” he said. “Every day I come to the bakery with a large basket. Boy, you’re eating well these days, he’s already said to me more than once. Ja, I said, my kids sure have appetites. I get coupons from Mr. Hannink. How else could I get all that bread? I don’t know where the baker thinks I get them from. I worry plenty over it.”

  Where did the ten people sleep? Did they have a hiding place? I looked around. Our room was cozier… just Sini and me. I wondered whether she missed me.

  “Isn’t she a little thing?” Dientje asked. “You should see her eat. Like a bird.”

  I wriggled uncomfortably.

  “I don’t know what’s the matter with her tonight. At home she isn’t so bashful. You should hear her sometimes. C’mon, Annie, talk to what’s her name? Mimi. She looks like a nice girl. Go on.”

  “Mimi, you’re not shy. Talk to Annie,” the farmer’s wife said.

  Mimi laughed sheepishly.

  “Aren’t you going to say anything to each other,” Dientje wanted to know.

  I felt my face getting red. I was sure that everybody was waiting to see whether we would start talking.

  “Well, that wasn’t a success,” Dientje said a little while later. “Let’s go home.”

  “Bye, Mimi,” I said on my way out.

  “Now, why didn’t you start talking earlier? Is this the first thing you’ve said to each other?”

  Ashamed, I nodded. It was silly. But what was there to say? I didn’t even know her.

  With a sigh of relief I climbed back on the bike. Once again I wrapped my arms around Dientje’s middle. It sure did smell good outside. It was getting to be spring.

  With spring my birthday came. I hadn’t talked too much about it. That would have been childish. After all, I was going to be eleven. But from the moment I opened my eyes that morning I followed everybody’s movements. They knew, didn’t they? Yes, here came Johan with a package. “Annie, what d’you think of this,” he asked.

  “Secrets of Nature,” I read, “by Gert von Natzmer.”

  “You didn’t know, but I went to the city for it.”

  I leafed through the pages. “It looks like a fine book, Johan. Thank you.”

  “You have to give all of us a kiss,” Johan said. “It’s from all of us. You know, most of the books you see in the store have been written by Germans. I can tell from their names, even though I never had any German.”

  “Johan, Annie can’t read any German,” Dientje said. “What did you buy her a German book for?”

  “Oh, c’mon woman, what d’you think I am. It’s been translated.”

  “Could it be a good book,” Opoe asked, “if it’s written by a German?”

  “Oh, Ma, what’s that got to do with it? Boy, what a bunch of idiots in this house.”

  “I don’t know. I was just asking.”

  I was looking at a picture of summer in Greenland. What a nice place!

  But who had told Dini Hannink that it was my birthday? “You, Sini?”

  Dini just laughed. The game of Monopoly she had given me was lying on the table. “Do you want me to play with you?” she asked.

  “Yes, please.”

  “I’ll play, too,” Sini said. “How about you, Dientje?”

  “Goodness, no. I’ll just look.”

  Excitedly I watched Dini deal the money. Pretty, all the different colors. What a wonderful birthday I was having.

  “Annie, don’t you want to offer Dini anything?” Dientje asked.

  Of course, I forgot. What a hostess! “Here, Dini, take a couple.” I held the cookie jar in front of her.

  “I’ll tell you the damnedest thing,” Johan said, “I bet you’ll still be here for your next birthday. Yep, I think so.”

  “Why Johan?”

  “Because the Germans won’t leave unless the Allies come and drive them out. I can’t understand why they don’t land in Italy from Africa. All they have to do is cross a sea. Right? That’s what
I would do. Boy! An invasion of Europe, that’s what we need. Then I can see the end after one more year. Not now. No.”

  I looked at Sini. The corners of her mouth were trembling. Why did Johan have to talk that way? How did he know we needed an invasion and that the end wouldn’t come for another year? Couldn’t it come, say, next week? How did he know? Well, maybe he was wrong. He could be. I’d tell Sini so later, after everybody was asleep. Johan didn’t know everything.

  Johan had left a newspaper on the table. “Burn it,” he said, “after you’ve read it.”

  “Why, Johan?”

  “Because this is a paper that’s printed by underground workers, by people who want us to know what’s really going on. Not like the goddamned official papers where every bit of news gets twisted around. But we’re not supposed to know the truth. Those printers can get shot for what they’re doing, and if the Germans find one of these things in the house, I can be arrested.”

  I picked up the newspaper. Don’t give up hope, it said. The Germans will lose. It didn’t say when. I guessed they didn’t know either. I read a little further. No, what the paper said couldn’t be true. It couldn’t be. I had trouble going on, but I finished the article.

  I put the paper down. Now I knew. Now I really knew what was in Germany and Austria and Poland. Murder camps. Sure I had known there were camps. That’s where those trains took you. But I hadn’t known that they were like this, that Hitler had told his soldiers to murder Jews, any time they felt like it.

  They shoved as many people into the train as they could, with hardly any food or water. When the people arrived at the camps they were pulled out of the train. The old people, women, and children were taken away in cars. They turned around to wave at the others. The camps couldn’t be so bad, not when the Germans picked you up in cars! They went to a special building. You can wash up here, they were told. You must be dirty after such a long trip. Lots of people went into the shower room holding pieces of soap in their hands, until the room was so full that the steel door could just barely be closed. No water was turned on. Gas was.

  It didn’t take more than fifteen minutes. Then they were burned. In ovens. Most of the time everybody was dead when this happened. Most of the time.

  The young men were put to work. When they became too weak to work, their turn came, too. To go to the shower room.

  Most of the people were Jews. But there were others, too.

  Now I knew why I was here, why I shouldn’t stand close to the window in the front room. I had just read why in a paper that told people what was really going on.

  8

  IT’S warm enough now to do without the stove,” Johan said. “I think I’ll move you to the back room.”

  Anxiously I watched Johan. How would he be able to get the table through the door? “Better be careful, Johan.”

  “Don’t worry, Johan’ll do it. Easy enough.”

  Sini and I followed with the chairs. What else should we bring? I walked back. Nothing, really. The calendar? It could stay. We’d be back every night. No, better take it. I lifted the calendar off the thumbtack and walked into the other room with it.

  Now where would I put it? Here we wouldn’t want to look at it that often because we had windows. So a corner would do. There.

  I sat down by the window over the kitchen. Heavens, the trees were all green. When had this happened? Look at the sky. There was a lot of blue, but also clouds. How fast could clouds go? Where did they travel to? From the sky above one country to the sky above the next? So much to think about.

  Where was Sini? I turned around. She was looking in the mirror. “Sini, I like it much better here. Don’t you? Why don’t you sit by your window? You want mine for a while?”

  “Am I very pale?”

  I studied her face seriously. “A little, but you don’t look bad.”

  “But I look better with a tan, don’t I?”

  “Maybe. Your hair’s nice again, though. Do you know why some clouds are dark, and others are white?” Sini didn’t answer, and I repeated the question.

  “No. Should I cut it again?”

  “What?”

  “My hair.”

  “I don’t know. D’you think rain makes them dark?”

  “I’m no longer as pretty as I used to be, am I? I know I’m not. I can see it myself. Tell me honestly.”

  I sighed. “To me you look all right.”

  “To you.” Sini’s voice sounded disgusted.

  Now she wouldn’t want to play Monopoly with me. I’d have to play by myself.

  So much money for me. So much for her. Her? I could make it a him. No. Now, let’s see. I’d better start. Wasn’t that a foolish move she made. No wonder my pile of money was growing. Stupid. No, not me. You. You have to look out in this game. Yep. Thank you. Was that the last of your money? Well, that’s what happens. You played poorly. I’ll have to see whether you can play with me again. I’m not sure. It all depends.

  I put the game away. What could I do next? Let’s see. I could pretend Johan had asked me to come to the bleachworks with him. I closed my eyes, so that I could see better what he had told me about it. First we went to get the horse from the meadow. He put him in front of the cart. Johan climbed next to me on the cart, took his whip, clacked it, and off he went to Boekelo. We turned right, after we went through the gate.

  “C’mon horse, move. The goddamn work is waiting.”

  And the horse ran. We entered Boekelo without having left Usselo, it seemed. Before a cluster of buildings, Johan stopped. He jumped off the cart and helped me down. “Here I am,” he said to the man who came out of one of the buildings.

  “Hey, Johan, fine fighting going on in Africa, right, Ja, ja, those Allies are something,” he whispered.

  Johan listened intently, nodding his head. Then the man opened the door of the building and started handing Johan bolts of cloth. Johan carried them over to the cart, one by one. Once in a while the horse impatiently pawed the pavement. When the cart was full, Johan took the reins again. “C’mon, move.” The man went back inside.

  In front of another building Johan stopped again. The door opened and a different man appeared. Johan carried the bolts of cloth over to him, one by one. When the cart was empty, we went back to the first building for more.

  “On the cart, off the cart, Annie. It’s the goddamnedest way to earn money. You’re lucky not to have to work.”

  “Yes, Johan.”

  I opened my eyes. The palms of my hands were up, too, just like Johan’s had been when he carried all that cloth.

  I pushed my chair closer to the window. There Opoe was walking toward the chickens. She had already fed them once today. What was she doing this time? They didn’t own her. Why were they so demanding? And Opoe just went. Sure, they were running after her. They knew why she had come again… food. Look at them. Choke on it. Go ahead. I say so.

  What was Sini doing? She already had two cuts on her little finger from biting it. “Sini, take your finger out of your mouth.”

  Opoe was on her way back to the house. I waved. “Hi, Opoe.” Nonsense, she couldn’t hear me. But she saw me and smiled.

  Look at those three chickens together, walking away from the group. They’d better not go to the vegetable garden. Opoe would yell at them.

  It didn’t turn dark till late. Some evenings Johan didn’t even come home to listen to the news. He was too busy out in the fields. It made Sini both quiet and noisy. For hours she said nothing. Then all of a sudden, she cried, “Annie, how will we ever find out when the war’s over if we don’t listen to the radio? The papers won’t tell us. We’ll just sit here all our lives. I can’t stand it any longer. Let me out!” She ran around the room, shaking her fists at the window. “Goddamn everybody! Tomorrow I want him home!”

  Yes, out! “Me too, Sini.” I’d run through meadows until my throat ached from breathing. But could I? I still wobbled, Sini said. That was when I walked though. Running might be easier. Yes, me, too.
>
  I looked outside. How come I didn’t get as angry as Sini? Wasn’t I angry now? Sure.

  Sini told Johan she wanted to hear the news again, and it was a good thing she did. The English and the Americans had landed in Sicily, and she and Johan were able to hear about it, firsthand.

  “Didn’t I tell you, eh? They crossed that sea, didn’t they? Eh? How’s that for a dumb farmer?”

  “You knew it, Johan,” Sini and I said.

  “Get up. Dance with me.”

  Dance? Me? “Not so fast, Sini. Ow, ow, stop!”

  “Little sister, this is the beginning of the end. Johan says so, too. Maybe a couple of more months. You know how close Sicily is to Holland, Annie?”

  “No.”

  “Very close. Much closer to us than Russia and Africa.”

  Well, then we would certainly be home before the end of the year.

  Sini was brushing her hair. Intently she studied her face in the mirror. “I’ll be all right, I think. I look better already.”

  She did. Much.

  What a lovely day! Just smell the air. Great! And doing my exercises wasn’t that bad either. After all, I wouldn’t have to do them for much longer. Sini even offered to play Monopoly with me. It was fun to lose again. I never did when I played with “her.”

  But what was taking the Allies so long, so terribly long? Maybe they didn’t care when the war ended. They weren’t sitting in a room all day. Like us.

  Another day of rain. Hadn’t we had enough of them? Gloomily I stared out the window. I hardly heard the Oostervelds come in.

  “Mussolini is in jail!” Johan almost shouted.

  “He is?” How could Sini’s face change that fast?

  “What was the matter with him?”

  “Oh, Ma, you know. That goddamned clown. That Italian dictator. Hitler’s best friend, the one who went into the war with him.”

  “Don’t you know who he is, Mother?” Dientje asked. “How could you not know?”